Guess What Just Arrived On My Doorstep

No, it was not new documents from John Edwards cub scout troop criticizing him for disobeying orders to "drop that cookie." (CBS News, call me. The inkjet should be done printing them in a few minutes!) It is something far more meaningful to my life.

I want to hear the candidates positions on the Dark Side! Did Mr. Kerry vote for the Empire, before he voted against it? Did President Bush misunderestimate Darth Vader? These are critical issues!!!