Top Ten Questions That Should Be Asked at the Veep Debate, But Won't Be

10. If you could pass one Constitutional Amendment during the next 4 years, would it be: a. Banning Same-Sex Marriage, 2. Legalizing Drugs, or III. Forbidding the use of Vietnam in Presidential Campaign Commercials?
9. What role do you believe hair or lack thereof plays in a successful vice president?
8. Do you feel the vice presidential debate has any effect on the way the average American votes? Okay, I guess "average American" is a bad way to put it with a voter turnout below 50%.
7. What is the proper way to pronounce "VP"? Rhymes with "Jeep", rhymes with "E.T.", or rhymes with "Most useless office in the land."
6. Do you believe Haliburton or Greedy Trial Lawyers are a bigger threat to American Democracy?
5. If you were one of the Three Bears from the Goldilocks story, how would you characterize the Bush Tax Cuts? Too Hot, Too Cold, or A-Complex-Issue-Requiring-Further-Inquiry-Before-Making-A-Final-Decision-Though-This-Is-The-Worst-Economy-Since-Hoover-And-I-Can-Do-Better?
4. If Mr. Edwards is right that there are "two Americas," then how many Canadas are there? What about France?
3. What message do you have for the Youth of America tonight? Please be sure to start each sentence with "Dude."
2. Where would the "undisclosed location" be if your candidate wins the election? Bermuda, the Iron Mountain, or Room 303 at the Comfort Inn?
1. What is John Kerry's position on Iraq? Answers will be restricted to an hour response, and each respondent can only use the phrase "on the other hand" 50 times.